TomKat in Melbourne aka A Chance to Heckle Wierdo Scientologists



In happier times, before their names were conjoined, Tom was a snappy cocktail waiter and Katie was a frumpy, yet kinda hot virgin. I apologise in advance for using the term TomKat.

But how things have changed. As the flagship couple for the worlds most blatant cult, TomKat represents a strange blend of pseudo religious harmony and nutbar craziness. I’m still not convinced that she hasn’t been brainwashed into the whole deal with the promise of huge sums of money, but then i’m a broke ass blogger from Melbourne, what would i know?

Scientology has gotta be one of the strangest social phenomenons of the last 20 years, in many ways it serves as an insight into the way a religion develops. Different stages may include:

  • the initial ramblings of a crackpot
  • the process of recording some kind of doctrine for mass distribution
  • the use of said doctrine to appeal to large numbers of susceptible people
  • the largely unquantifiable delivery of the doctrine


  • employing the doctrine as a method of reaping in bags and bags of cash


I was a little suprised to find that buxom local singer Kate Cerebrano is in fact a long-time Scientologist, and a bit of a Melbourne ‘mate’ to TomKat, as it would seem is James Packer. I sincerely hope that Guy Pierce hasn’t succumbed.


As Packer Jnr looks on, Kat(ie) is struck dumb by the majestic violence of AFL, Tom is in casual ‘Maverick’ mode.

I’m curious if there are any poor Scientologists, or if the prevalence of high profile, wealthy members is a fluke. Everywhere you look these days, another rich celebrity is revealed as a member, suggesting that perhaps its a great way of assuaging any kind of wealth-related guilt (if such a thing exists). But then again, it’s hardly the first faith to hoard vast riches and seek to entise wealthy members… *ahem* catholic church *ahem*.

I was going to do some further ‘study’, but i checked out the wiki on Scientology, and realised there’s lots of information, and i couldn’t be assed. I’d try and ask a member of the film crew, but they all had to sign declaration to not ask TomKat about any Scientological topics, presumably because Kat has been hypnotised into joining (or is still suffering from AFL related symptoms) and Tom can’t articulate anything helpful without a Scientology communications officer present, and must instead resort to jumping around waving his hands in the air.

Yeah, he’s a rational, functioning individual.

DOWNLOAD: El-P – Flyentology


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