NOTR’s Completely Unqualified DVD Reviews

by

CompletelyUnqualifiedReview

Round two of this fine film review series. I have been going a little crazy trying to graduate in 2 weeks time, hence the lack of NOTR action, my bad, i can’t wait to get this regular again (no Kellogs All Bran). This may be influencing me to choose easy DVD targets for comment, as opposed to using my powers for good.

So, while i appreciate that i’m not doing anyone any favours – since i haven’t seen ANY of this round’s films, and my insight consists mainly of random nonsense dredged from the DVD covers and IMDB – if you think about it, we’ve only got Hollywood to blame.


7 Pounds

7pounds

Seen it: NO

Starring Will Smith (in desperate search for an Oscar) as a dude who steals his brothers identity – to become a taxation agent no less – and then proceeds to donate parts of his body to needy people or some shit.

The script was written by Grant Nieporte, best known for his literary work on TV gems like Sabrina the Teenage Witch and 8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter.

Sooner or later someone needs to just give the Fresh Prince an Oscar, because this needs to stop.

Still, someone on IMDB said this: ‘Seven Pounds is a wonderful movie that will stay with you long into the night and next day…’ Whether that’s a stay with you in a  herpes kinda way, i can’t say.

Journey To The Centre of The Earth

journey_to_the_center_of_the_earth_3d_ver2

Seen It: NO

In 1864, this guy called Jules Verne wrote a really awesome book. Its like all the good stuff from The Da Vinci Code, plus lots of volcanoes, flying lightning balls and other wild Icelandic shit, plus a dude called Axel.

Anyway, clearly nobody read that book when they decided to make a crap film that only very vaguely resembles the original.

As if in recognition of their lack of sense (and in keeping with the current studio quest for gimmicky money making), they issued it in 3D.

JTTCOTE even comes with some cheap cardboard glasses so you can enjoy that ish at home. Although, having worn them for 10 minutes at work – suffering a near fatal cash register accident and a vicious migraine – i don’t know how safe they are.

Yes Man

YesMan2008poster

Seen It: NO

Hmmm… A film starring Jim Carey, that strives to make lots of PG jokes while still delivering an emotionally uplifting message of self improvement.

I guess this means the charges that Hollywood seems unable to stop cranking out insultingly unoriginal, non-confronting, weak-ass joke having, mass common denominator pandering, ‘feel good’ (that’s the misnomer of the decade) garbage to a largely uncaring public… must be false.

Ironically, i think Mr. Eternal Sunshine should’ve seen that he was playing a guy that blindly says yes to everything as an omen.

Warning! Shit movies may be closer than they appear. © Ace Ventura

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One Response to “NOTR’s Completely Unqualified DVD Reviews”

  1. Henry Says:

    I watched Yes Man on the plane it was rather funny

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