Sport. Less entertaining than you think…


Ever since they took my Wipeout away i’ve been angry with the TV gods.

Master Chef looks like its got legs, but i struggle to think of anything else that doesn’t involve undereducated lifeguards, surfing veterinarians, bimbo police recruits or unemployed gardeners. Of course, thanks to Tubs’ digital box, i’m loving watching the all sports channel ‘One’, but even there it doesn’t really work out…

AFL – My team is shit, and i can’t be bothered anymore, call me in 5 years once we get some draft picks back from the Gold Coast.

Swimming – Isn’t a sport, its a time consuming form of travel. LeBron James on the other hand…

Netball – I get it, they’re big, angry women, but no highlights package will ever convince me Netball is either fun, or violent… so stop trying.

Formula 1 – If i wanted to be deafened and not see cars go past really fast, well, i’d probably kill myself.

Golf – I knew a guy who wanted to be a pro golfer in high school, he lives in the US right now, and has 850 friends on facebook. Not strictly relevant, but fairly impressive considering how massively lame golf is.

Nascar – Ok, so i’ll give you the crashes are pretty wild, but they just go round and round, its so fucking boring that some rednecks decided to do this instead.

Commonwealth Games – They’re like the red haired, slightly retarded second cousin of the Olympics, twice removed.

So that’s the conventional sports, and i’m yet to see any of the fabled Bull Riding, but what about the other random ‘novelty’ sports you ask?

Slamball – Apparently its a combination of football, basketball and hockey… or the commentator is an idiot. Also, how does a young Panamanian dude grow up in downtown Compton and become an ‘underground’ star at a game where you dunk off multiple trampolines?

XTreme Paintball – Nowhere near as exciting or funny as you’d think, if you don’t have a paintball gun in your hand, its just not gonna work.

World’s Strongest Man – Silver’s Grand Magic Circus called, they want their concept back.

I’d rail against the TV gods and demand better product, except that TV seems to be run by people like Eddie Maguire, so i’m just going to continue occasionally turning it on, and hope that one day i’ll see some god damn Bull Riding.


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