“And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed…” – Genesis 1:29

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Olympic ace Michael Phelps inhales from bong

As i suggested today to some of my Sunday Funday crew, the only reason Phelps is in the news is so some bright spark at the News of the World can write the line:

“Michael Phelps in hot water…” (after ripping some of that sweet USA Swimteam bud through a tacky red bong)

Because, lets be honest, there is zero chance that anyone is going to punish him, he is the only reason the US can compete in Men’s swimming, curtailing the traditional Australian dominance of said sport, by the way. He may/may not have smoked a bugle (Jizzo stand up!), although according to the ‘eyewitnesses’ he certainly did, but shit, he’s a 24 year old sportstar. Who absolutely owned the Olympic swimming Gold.

Here’s some quotes from the unnamed source:

“Every girl wanted a piece of him and every guy wanted to be his best buddy. He couldn’t get enough of all the attention.”

“As he basked in his hero status, Phelps knocked back beers and shots of spirits.”

“You could tell Michael had smoked before. He grabbed the bong and a lighter and knew exactly what to do.” (Like it’s so complicated)

“He looked just as natural with a bong in his hands as he does swimming in the pool. He was the gold medal winner of bong hits.” (The gold medal winner of bong hits? Thats some good copy right there.)

I’m no mega athlete, but i can totally dig wanting to get high and bang some college girls if i’d spent the last 16 years doing nothing but swimming up and down a pool and eating like 10 bowls of pasta a day.

To put this in perspective, here’s some other stars who’ve been ‘busted’ with that sticky icky…

Whitney Houston

David Lee Roth

Louis Armstrong

All the Rolling Stones

All the Beatles

Willie Nelson

Flavor Flav

Snoop Dog

Iggy Pop

David Bowie

Ray Charles

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

Alan Iverson

Chris Webber

Jim Belushi

Ben Franklin

Al Gore

Woody Harrelson

Thomas Jefferson

Steve Jobs

George Washington

I could be wrong, but it didn’t seem to end any of their careers prematurely, (except maybe Belushi, and that was probably more about the copious amounts of coke and crack) eiher way i’d say Phelps is pretty safe.

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One Response to ““And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed…” – Genesis 1:29”

  1. P.Dilla Says:

    You might wanna add Mr George Obama to that list also.

    http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/2009/01/31/2009-01-31_president_barack_obamas_halfbrother_geor.html

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